Things that sound better than they are

Milk & Honey
The Bible is all about milk & honey... the land of milk and honey. When I was a kid I mixed up some milk and honey and it wasn't so great. I'm pretty sure if they had snickers bars and ice-cream back then it would be called the land of snickers and ice-cream.

Turkish Delight
When I was a kid we had this animated version of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe and I always thought that Turkish Delight must be the most amazing ever thing you could eat because Edward sells out his whole family just to get some. When I moved to England Simon was eating some one day and sure loving it.... and considering he really doesn't like very many sweet things my theory about the deliciousness was increased. I was wrong though because it tastes like chocolate covered soap. I brought some back to the States with me when I came to visit so my family could taste it... I didn't tell them it was yucky though until after they tried it. They were all quiet and polite about it until I told them I too thought it was gross.

IHOP's stuffed french toast
It looks good in the picture.... see

I had never ordered it before yesterday because - well - it's not that healthy. After I ran the half marathon yesterday I figured I could use the extra calories. I was pretty disappointed though because the bread part was super dry and the filling was gooopy.

Please add to this list so I know what to avoid in future.

Food and not food

I mostly read the blogs of people I know (or people who know people I know) but I read one or two random ones just for fun...

I read this one Food in Houston because... I like food and I secretly dream of being a food critic. For real - what job could be better than eating stuff and getting paid to tell people what you think about it (not that this person necessarily gets paid, I don't really know). But I like to eat and I like to give my opinion.

So I was reading it the other week and I came across this post Halloween Quiz


In case you're too lazy to click on the link and find out what that is... it's pig brains - served cold - and she/he ate it - and liked it!!!!!

1st of all he/she has some seriously crommits for even trying it - brains could have prions and despite what they came up with on the last season of 24, there ain't no cure for that jazz!
2nd of all EWWWWW!

On a slightly related note - I was talking to my new friend Jen (who introduced me to the word crommits) about culottes

only I couldn't remember what they were called and I called them Goulashes which I guess would be galoshes and Goulash mixed together. Her husband was all "Did you just call them Goulashes?!"

In honor of that mistake I'm coming up with something called culotte stew - I'm not 100% on what I'll put in it but I'm pretty sure it will involve ham.

More Dinner Time conversation

So now that all but one of Joe's fish have died it seems pointless to have this 10 gallon fish tank with one fish stinking up the place. And actually I don't know how it's possible but that lone fish is making way more of a mess than all five did... I'm pretty sure that fish's stink is what killed the other fish. I'm not totally against the fish, I don't like cleaning it's poo and I don't feel like you get a good return on what you put in but I don't want it to die either. Pretty much my feeling about animals is this... I'm glad God put them on the earth and I think they're really lovely to look at and whatnot but I don't so much like taking care of them... and touching them and stuff like that. I make an exception for my dog because she knows my boundaries and rarely crosses them anymore.

Anyhoo. So Joe kind of wants a turtle (despite the fact I told him they carry salmonella) but we told him he couldn't have one until his fish all die. So that put him in this sort of awkward position in which he hopes his fish will die so he can get a turtle but he doesn't want his fish to die because it's a living thing and he named it and feeds it etc. Simon's solution was that we would take the fish to the big pond/lake in our neighborhood and let it go into it's 'natural habitat.' Joe's a smart kid though and he expressed his concern that his fish wouldn't survive in the new environment.

Last night at dinner Simon proceeds to tell Joe about some guy he met in the bar who told him all about their pet fish that they let go in their neighborhood lake and how they came to the lake two years later and they saw the fish still alive and how the fish was swimming around and happy. I said "Yeah, like that movie with the lions."



"and the fish swam up to them and leaped out of the water and did three flips in the air."

"Stop talking a bunch of rubbish" Says Simon

"No dad, you stop talking rubbish." Says Joe

"I'm serious, the guy told me this story."

"Was he drunk?" Asks Joe - with a totally straight face.

Geez, can't a girl get some privacy?

My husband has had this magazine laying on the bathroom floor for a couple of weeks now.

The problem is that the guy on the cover looks a lot like my brother-in-law.

I keep putting it away because it's a little off-putting to go to the bathroom with your brother-in-law watching you but Simon keeps getting it out. I'm sure he's annoyed that I keep moving his magazine.

The other day I flipped it open so wouldn't see the cover and I came to this page

Do you see what's wrong with it? I mean apart from the fact that naked people are advertising a clothing company?

That guy's tattoo... I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be Jesus but it looks more like a bearded lady. (click on the picture to make it bigger for a closer look.)

Pippi Long Part

One of the many things I worry about/think is happening to me, is going bald. I know that hair just naturally thins as we age but I tend to feel like mine is falling out at a rapid rate. This isn't helped by the fact that I see a hamster sized hair ball in the drain when I wash my hair... my hair dresser tells me this is because it's so long and when it balls up it just looks like a lot of hair... I'm not so sure.

If it parts wrong (usually when I've slept on it or haven't really made an effort to style it) it gets this really long part that goes half way around my head and makes it look like I'm going bald.


Taking that picture was no easy task by the way.

I think it was my sister's fiance who saw her with it one day and said "hey pippi long part." It makes me laugh whenever I think about it and I always want to say it to people who have a long part but I don't ever think they will think it's funny.

When I was in high school there was this girl that had a really long thin face and either me or my friend, I can't remember which one, said to her "hey, why the long face?" She didn't seem to think it was funny.

While I'm on the subject of hair - the last time I was at the threading salon the lady told me I needed my mustache done too... so I guess it's come to that.

Public Service Announcement

If you're using a public restroom and you somehow get poop on your finger, and you're considering wiping it on the stall door or wall, wipe it on a piece of toilet paper instead.

Along those lines - if you don't wash your hands (with soap)after you use the restroom, you're a filthy disease spreading animal. Even if you didn't "get anything" on your finger think about how poo finger got out of the bathroom!

Did I ever tell you about my most amazing, talented and intelligent clinical instructor

So today at the end of class my clinical instructor says to me "I know you're Mormon, by the way."

I was a little taken aback and then stammered "really? How did you know."

She said that she did a study in graduate school and worked with Mormons for about six months and is good at detecting (not the exact word she used but something like that) them now.

I mumbled something about how I'm a good witch... you know in the Wizard of Oz "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" I'm a good Mormon... there are both kinds (although I'm not sure many people would label themselves as the bad kind.)

While I would like to congratulate myself on the obviousness of my Mormonism I am a little suspect... Me thinks someone told her OR possibly gave her a link to my blog. Perhaps I am on the suspicious side....

What? The title of my blog has nothing to do with this new theory.... I just think my clinical instructor is really brilliant.

She reminds me a little of my friend Diane's mom, only in that I usually feel like I'm about to be caught doing something I shouldn't be doing. A couple of years ago I asked Diane's mom how she always knew what we were up to and she said "Because you guys were frigging idiots." That still makes me laugh.

On an unrelated but equally entertaining note -
I make my kids lunches and try to put healthy substitutions of kid food in there... they almost always enjoy what I pack but occasionally get teased about the look of their food. Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious cookbook has some good options in it. My kids loved the bean dip but Oliver won't let me pack it for him anymore because he says other kids say he's eating diarrhea when I pack it. Whatever.

Today I made her hamburger recipe... it has mushrooms and zucchini in it and is made with ground turkey. Today when I asked Joe if he liked his lunch he said "It tasted really rally good but is there anyway you could make it so it doesn't look as weird? Kids make fun of it."

"Well," says I, "It tastes good and it's good for you... I thinks that's a winning combination. Next time they tease you tell them that at least you won't have colon cancer when you grow up and see how they like them apples."

Joe just laughed.